music video

Yesterday, I acted in a video for the band kids these days. They have three songs in my movie, and they also have a song on the TV show "life as you know it" featuring Kelly Osbourne. I had a small but significant role. I played the dog.

Why am I always typecast? I can do other parts. I don't have to always play the dog.

My Sidekick was hacked

I have had a bad week. When peoples have a bad week, they say it's "crappy" -- but for a dog, a crappy week is a good week, full of great smells. So for me, it has been a decidedly uncrappy week. Which is bad.

First of all: I did not get the Pedigree commercial. It seems peoples near and dear to me KNEW I did not get a callback, but they hid this information from me. I had to hear this news from Sam and Chelsea, who also didn't get callbacks. But at least their peoples broke the bad news to them. For the record, peoples: dogs don't like living in denial.

Ha ha! What am I saying? Dogs love denial.



Then things got worse. Some peoples on the internets hacked my Sidekick and posted incriminating photos of me all over web pages somewhere. And they gave out all of my valuable phone numbers. Pranksters from the internets are constantly calling Three Dog Bakery and Lindsay Lohan, and it's all my fault. Well, Three Dog Bakery quite likes it. So if you call them, please order me some more Lab Licks. They're yummy.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

1. Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie:
Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler:
Make me.

5. Boxer:
Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd:
I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?

10. Cocker Spaniel:
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

12. Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there ...

13. Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

14. New Zealand Sheep Dog:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

15. Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Pedigree part deux

I did super well at my audition. I gave out lots of kisses. Everyone loves Lucky kisses. They are cherished and much appreciated. The casting director asked me to walk across the room, which I did, although I was momentarily distracted by all the wonderful smells there. They even held up a DVD of my movie Lucky Stars for the audition camera.

I heard my friends Sam and Chelsea went in for their auditions today. Sam acted with me in my film. He's like a canine Alec Baldwin. He's a big guy, but handsome, and generous to his co-stars. It would be super awesome if he and I both got casted in the commercial so we could act together again. And Chelsea could come along, too, to be our biscuit carrier.

Pedigree

I am nervous. I am auditioning for a Pedigree commercial tomorrow. I haven't been on TV since October. I kind of let myself go over Christmas. I had to much bacon. My butt is... not... as... small... as... it...

used...

to...

be...

But it still smells damn good!

a request from Lucky

Nominate me for best pet in Canada!

Why? Because I'm smart and cute and I have the softest tummy. And I'm almost young enough to play in the Puppy Bowl.

A prayer from a dog

I didn't make this up. A friendly Rottweiler told me it at Dog Beach other day. (Yes, there are some friendly Rottweilers, don't be a bigot!)

TO GOD - FROM THE DOG:

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a jaguar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is she still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
1. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
2. The sofa is not a 'face towel'
3. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
4. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
5. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello"
6. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.
7. I must shake the rain water out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
8. I will not throw up in the car.
9. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
10. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when we have company.